During the Republican debate one hot topic was on the lips of the candidates, Haley herself mentioned the impending threat that China poses through cyber warfare and international ties. In a meeting of congress it was stated by ADM Harris that China intimidates and coerces Taiwan, they’ve established a Space tracking facility in South American and an overseas naval base at the horn of Africa. Rope international agreements with a Belt and Road debt trap, employ espionage efforts, and sent a spy balloon into US air space. Congress claims America needs to look very carefully at what China is doing. So we thought we’d get a statement from China ourselves.
“Congress talks are all ‘Dominate, competition, US global power,’ they sound so jealous.” Says China.
In a congressional session WA congressman Adam Smith says, “War is not inevitable… not even likely, it is something we must all work to avoid.” China responds saying, “Look man, if you think you can bring it to the UN table, bring it to the table. We brought you Bruce Lee, Jackie Chan, you think we lost martial arts in our cultural evolution? You are so intent on making a mountain out of a mole hill with this silly meteorological balloon mishap. Look, we apologized for that, ‘The airship is from China. It is a civilian airship used for research, mainly meteorological, purposes.’ It came directly from our Ministry of Foreign Affairs. We don’t know why you’re so afraid of the drones we sold you, those drones had their own network, it’s not like we have a phone app where we can watch the drone footage. You wouldn’t find it on Tik Tok. We know you hate us for that too. You claim we’re collecting data for espionage, but really it’s the same permissions and privacy settings that Mark Zuckerberg has on all of his apps, it’s no different. Why we would want to store the browsing history and personal information of fifty million American teenagers doesn’t quite make sense, we have millions of teenagers of our own to track.”
China says, “This seems very small in comparison to the ‘Smart Cities’ you have planned for your country. Why would you be worried about our surveillance when you are developing a large scale surveillance of your own and we are simply expanding global cultural integration by introducing entertaining, ecommerce propagating tools.”
Congress has made a clear stance in its opinion on China’s deepening ties with Mexico, Mexico responded by saying, “You want a fight, ese? Invite us over to visit then kick us out over little details like a visa. Blame us for your stupid fentanyl epidemic, we just want some clean water e’. Sound’s like your problem is with us, not China. Who cares who’s sending us scholarships, you don’t care whether we can read or not, Homes.”
Another serious threat is China’s growing interest in American real estate. Chinese companies and investors have been buying up farmland across American territories and lawmakers are scratching their head as to why. NPR reports: Some of these fears exist because of a gap in data on where Chinese-owned land is, and whether it’s near military installations. China Responds saying, “We thought you knew how shell corporations worked. [sic..] Wink Wink.”
Not an actual News Media post/For entertainment purposes only
